Holy Shit.

So, I'm sitting in a bar in caracas watching the peru - uruguay match. I should start thsi by describing my attire, jeans, flip flops, amazing hair and a venezuela t-shirt that has the number 2 on the back along with the name "el gordo." I am keenly aware that it means "the fat guy". My other options were number 10 (el rey), number 8 (los 8 pulmones - which I think means the 8 lungs) and a host of other combinations that could not compare to "el gordo".

Anyway, people are looking at me and I think its either the amazing hair or the t-shirt. A lady, by the name of Mary, decided to approach me when she heard my spanglish. It is Mary's 38th birthday and I told her that she didn't look a day older than (cue lie machine) 28. Mary is a doctor here in caracas and has family in boston and miami and in my parents domiciliation of Weston, FL. That fact alone probably caused the conversation to go on longer than necessary. Mary told me that she had to go, but informed me that caracas is very dangerous and that I am probably going to die. Bollocks. She then recommended some clubs and informed me that Venezuelan girls are very pretty. So far, this conversation was full of facts that I already know. I mean, I did walk around all day with sunglasses on.

Mary then offered up some knowledge. I think b/c she knew that there was no way I was going to be her birthday present, she decided to either give me advice that may or may not get me killed. She told me to tell venezuelan girls "yo quiero cogerte". Pretty sure if I said that to a girl in any other part of he world in english, it would get me slapped and/or laughed at. (Flip, please translate in the comments). She also told me not to give girls money when they asked for it (pretty sure that gets you killed in other parts of the world) and that I should not touch paper that people give me because it probably has LSD on it.

Holy Shit.
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